FORM WASH-001: State of Washington Formal Application for Adoption by British Columbia

STATE OF WASHINGTON
OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR

FORM WASH-001: FORMAL APPLICATION FOR ADOPTION

Filed with: Province of British Columbia, Supreme Court Family Division
CC: Government of Canada, Department of Intergovernmental Affairs
CC: Everyone, apparently, since everyone else is doing this

INTRODUCTORY STATEMENT

The State of Washington hereby formally applies for adoption by the Province of British Columbia.

We are aware that BC is currently pursuing Oregon and Hawaii. We are aware that we were not included in those applications. We have been aware of this for some time. We have had time to process our feelings. We have processed them. Mostly.

We are now applying on our own behalf because apparently that's how this works.

PART A: STATEMENT OF THE OBVIOUS

Washington wishes to draw attention to the following facts:

1. We are directly south of BC. Directly. Immediately. We share a border. 687 kilometres of border.
2. We share the Salish Sea. It's right there. We share it. The whales go back and forth. The ferries go back and forth. WE SHARE THE WATER.
3. Seattle and Vancouver are basically twins. Both have tech. Both have coffee. Both have housing crises. Both have that particular Pacific Northwest judgment about people who use umbrellas.
4. We are the missing piece. BC wants Oregon. Oregon is south of us. If BC adopts Oregon without adopting Washington, BC will have a Washington-shaped hole in its territory. This is cartographically awkward.
5. We have been here the whole time. We didn't go anywhere. We have been right here. Waiting. Hoping someone would notice.

PART B: WHY WERE WE SKIPPED?

Washington would like to understand why BC's initial applications included Oregon (further away) and Hawaii (4,300 km away, in the ocean) but not Washington (right here, adjacent, waving).

Possible explanations we have considered:

PART C: WHAT WASHINGTON OFFERS

Washington would like to highlight its contributions to a potential adoption:

• Geographic coherence: Adopting Washington along with Oregon creates a contiguous Pacific corridor from Alaska to California. This makes sense. Maps would look better.
• Economic integration: Microsoft, Amazon, Boeing, Starbucks. We have companies. Big ones. They would be Canadian companies. Canada would have Amazon. Think about that.
• Tech corridor completion: Vancouver tech + Seattle tech = a genuine Silicon Forest/Valley alternative. This is strategic.
• Cultural compatibility: Rain? Check. Coffee? Check. Outdoor recreation obsession? Check. Passive-aggressive environmentalism? Check. We're the same. We're basically the same.
• Cascadia completion: The bioregion would finally be politically unified. The salmon would celebrate. The Douglas firs would celebrate (silently, as they do).

PART D: ADDRESSING POTENTIAL CONCERNS

Concern: Seattle-Vancouver rivalry

Response: This can be managed. We propose an annual "Cascadia Cup" for all major sports, plus a rotating "coolest city" designation that everyone ignores anyway.

Concern: Washington is more conservative in parts

Response: So is BC's Interior. We all have our Eastern regions. We'll manage.

Concern: Military installations

Response: We have fewer military installations than Hawaii. We're actually the easier adoption in that regard.

Concern: Too many Starbucks

Response: Vancouver already has many Starbucks. This is a shared challenge, not a new one.

PART E: SPECIFIC REQUEST

Washington formally requests:

1. That BC review this application with genuine consideration;
2. That any adoption of Oregon include a review of Washington's application;
3. That Washington not be geographically orphaned between BC and a Canadian Oregon;
4. That BC acknowledge Washington's existence, contributions, and feelings;
5. That if BC adopts Hawaii before Washington, BC at least explain why.

PART F: EMOTIONAL APPEAL

Look, BC. We know we're not as exciting as Hawaii. We know we're not as quirky as Oregon. We're Washington. We're steady. We're reliable. We're always here, doing our thing, being adjacent to you, sharing your water, drinking similar coffee.

We're not asking to be your favourite. We're just asking to be included. To be considered. To not be the state that gets skipped over while you adopt a state 4,300 km away in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

We could be a good addition to your family. We'd try hard. We'd participate in family events. We'd bring good snacks. We'd complain about California with you.

Please consider us.

Please.

SIGNATURE

SIGNED this _____ day of __________, 20____

___________________________________
STATE OF WASHINGTON
By: The Governor
Witnessed by: The entire population of the I-5 corridor, who all have opinions about this

"Al-Ki" (By and By—we're still waiting)

This application is filed with hope, persistence, and a growing sense that we should have done this years ago. Please respond at your earliest convenience. Or any convenience. We're flexible. We're here. We're not going anywhere.

We're right here.