UNOFFICIAL TRANSLATION: Statement from the Russian Federation Regarding Alaska

MINISTRY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS
RUSSIAN FEDERATION

STATEMENT REGARDING REPORTS OF CANADIAN TERRITORIAL ADOPTION OF ALASKA

Unofficial Translation from Russian - Official Translation Pending

MOSCOW — The Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the Russian Federation has been made aware of reports that the Canadian territory of "Yukon" has applied to "adopt" the State of Alaska, and that Alaska has consented to this arrangement.

The Ministry offers the following response:

SECTION 1: HISTORICAL CONTEXT

Russia would like to remind all parties of certain historical facts:

1. Alaska was Russian territory from 1784 to 1867.
2. Russia sold Alaska to the United States in 1867 for $7.2 million (approximately $140 million in current value).
3. This sale was conducted legally and properly by Tsar Alexander II.
4. At the time, this was considered a reasonable transaction. Russia was far away. Alaska was expensive to maintain. The Crimean War had been costly. It made sense.
5. In retrospect, this may have been a mistake.

The Ministry emphasizes that the 1867 sale was final and irrevocable. Russia has no legal claim to Alaska. This statement should not be interpreted as asserting any such claim.

That said.

SECTION 2: OBSERVATIONS

Russia observes the following:

1. We sold Alaska to the United States. Not to Canada. Not to "Yukon." To the United States of America.
2. The United States is apparently allowing a Canadian territory to adopt Alaska. We find this... interesting. When we sold Alaska, we assumed the buyer would keep it. That is typically how sales work.
3. If the United States did not want Alaska, they could have consulted us. Not that we have a claim. We don't. But courtesy, perhaps? A phone call? "Hello, Russia, you know that land you sold us 157 years ago? We're giving it to Canada now." That would have been polite.
4. Yukon is very small. We looked it up. 45,000 people. Russia has individual apartment buildings with more residents. This small territory is adopting land that was once the Russian Empire's easternmost reach. We have feelings about this. Complex feelings.

SECTION 3: WHAT WE ARE NOT SAYING

Russia wishes to be clear about what this statement does NOT say:

• We are NOT claiming Alaska.
• We are NOT saying the 1867 sale was invalid.
• We are NOT saying we want Alaska back.
• We are NOT threatening anyone.
• We are NOT asserting any right to be consulted.

We are simply... noting. Observing. Commenting. As one does.

SECTION 4: QUESTIONS WE HAVE

Russia has questions. These are merely curious questions, not demands:

1. If Yukon can adopt Alaska, could other entities adopt former territories? This seems like a precedent. What precedent exactly is unclear, but it seems like one.
2. What happens to Russian Orthodox churches in Alaska? There are several. They have heritage. Will Canada respect this heritage? We assume yes, but we are asking.
3. What happens to Russian place names in Alaska? Baranof Island. Korovin Volcano. These names have history. We would appreciate their preservation.
4. Does Canada understand what they are getting? Alaska is very large. Very cold. Very expensive to maintain. There is a reason we sold it. (The reason was we couldn't afford it. This is not classified information.)
5. Will Canada maintain the good condition of Alaska? We invested considerable effort in the 1784-1867 period. We would hate to see it neglected.

SECTION 5: OFFICIAL POSITION

The official position of the Russian Federation is as follows:

"Russia acknowledges that Alaska is not Russian territory and has not been Russian territory since 1867. Russia asserts no claim to Alaska. Russia has no legal standing regarding the internal arrangements of the United States or Canada concerning Alaska. However, Russia notes this development with interest and reserves the right to have opinions about it. These opinions are not legally binding but are deeply felt. The 1867 sale, in retrospect, seems perhaps hasty. $7.2 million for 586,412 square miles works out to approximately 1.2 cents per acre. The United States later found gold. And oil. Considerable oil. We do not wish to discuss the oil. Russia wishes Canada and Yukon well in their endeavor. Alaska is lovely this time of year. Or any time of year, really. It's quite beautiful. We remember."

FOR THE MINISTRY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS

___________________________________
[Official Spokesperson]
Ministry of Foreign Affairs
Russian Federation

Note: This statement is for informational purposes only and does not constitute any legal claim, diplomatic demand, or threat. Russia just has feelings. Russia is allowed to have feelings.

P.S. — The Bering Strait is 82 kilometers wide at its narrowest. Russia will be right there. Watching. Not threateningly. Just... watching. As neighbours do.