CHARACTER REFERENCES FOR BRITISH COLUMBIA

PROVINCE OF ALBERTA Office of the Premier Edmonton

CHARACTER REFERENCE Re: Province of British Columbia — Application to Adopt State of Oregon

To the Supreme Court of British Columbia, Family Division:

Alberta has been asked to provide a character reference for British Columbia.

We have... thoughts.

Our Relationship:

Alberta and British Columbia have been neighbors for 120 years. In that time, we have developed what might be called a "complicated" relationship.

BC thinks they're better than us. They have the ocean. They have the mountains (we also have mountains, but apparently ours don't count). They have Vancouver, which they believe is a "world-class city." They have mild winters, which they will not shut up about.

We have oil. We have beef. We have rodeos. We have affordable housing (comparatively). We have Calgary, which is also a city, thank you very much.

BC looks down on us. We look sideways at them.

This is the nature of sibling relationships.

Our Assessment of BC's Suitability:

Despite our differences, we must acknowledge:

BC is functional. Their government works. Their infrastructure works (mostly — don't ask about the Port Mann Bridge). Their economy is diversified. They can manage large, complex systems.

BC is experienced with weirdness. Oregon is weird. Portland is aggressively weird. BC understands weird. Vancouver has naked bike rides, 4/20 celebrations at the art gallery, and a neighborhood called "Commercial Drive" where everyone has opinions about coffee. BC can handle Portland.

BC is environmentally obsessed. Oregon is also environmentally obsessed. They will spend hours discussing carbon footprints, sustainable forestry, and salmon habitat. They will enjoy these conversations. We do not understand this, but we recognize compatibility.

BC is passive-aggressive. Oregon is also passive-aggressive. "Minnesota Nice" has nothing on "Pacific Northwest Passive-Aggressive." These two jurisdictions will communicate through implications, subtext, and extremely polite disagreement. They deserve each other.

Our Concern:

BC is also filing for Hawaii.

This is greedy.

Alberta filed for one state (Texas). Manitoba filed for one state (Minnesota). BC is filing for two.

This is very BC behavior. "We deserve nice things." "We're worth it." "The rules don't apply to us because we have an ocean."

We are not surprised. We are mildly annoyed. But we are not surprised.

Our Recommendation:

We support BC's adoption of Oregon.

We do so reluctantly, and with the understanding that BC will become even more insufferable with Oregon as a sibling. They will drink craft coffee together. They will discuss hiking trails. They will judge the rest of us.

But Oregon belongs with BC. This is obvious to anyone who has spent time in both places. The alignment is undeniable.

Go ahead, BC. Adopt your hipster state. You deserve each other.

Regards,

Province of Alberta Currently finalizing Texas adoption We got a bigger one

CHARACTER REFERENCE #2: State of Washington

STATE OF WASHINGTON Office of the Governor Olympia

CHARACTER REFERENCE (Under Protest) Re: Province of British Columbia — Application to Adopt State of Oregon

To Whom It May Concern:

We have been asked to provide a character reference for British Columbia regarding their application to adopt Oregon.

We find this request awkward for reasons that should be obvious.

Our Position:

British Columbia is adopting Oregon.

British Columbia is not adopting Washington.

We are... fine with this.

No, really. We're fine.

On British Columbia's Character:

BC is... fine.

They have mountains. We also have mountains. They have an ocean. We also have an ocean. They have a major city. We have Seattle, which is arguably more significant than Vancouver in terms of global economic impact, not that we're comparing, but if we were comparing, we would win.

BC has universal healthcare. This is admirable. BC has legal cannabis. We also have legal cannabis. BC has good coffee. We have Starbucks headquarters, so technically all coffee culture flows from us.

BC is capable of managing a complex jurisdiction. We acknowledge this.

On Oregon:

Oregon is our neighbor. We have known Oregon for 175 years.

Oregon is fine.

Oregon is perhaps a bit... much. The Portland situation is a lot. The "Keep Portland Weird" thing is exhausting. The number of times we have had to explain that Seattle and Portland are different cities is frustrating.

But Oregon is fundamentally decent. Good people. Beautiful state. Weird, but harmlessly weird.

If Oregon wants to be adopted by BC, that is Oregon's choice. We will not stand in the way.

On Being Left Out:

We notice that BC is adopting Oregon (south of us) and Hawaii (in the middle of the Pacific).

We notice that BC is not adopting Washington (directly adjacent to BC, sharing a major metropolitan area, culturally aligned, economically integrated).

We notice this.

We are fine with this.

We have Seattle. We have Amazon. We have Microsoft. We have Starbucks. We have Boeing (sort of, they're moving things to Chicago, but historically). We have the Space Needle. We have a tech economy larger than BC and Oregon combined.

We don't need to be adopted.

We are fine.

[A water stain appears on the letter, possibly from coffee, possibly from tears]

Our Recommendation:

We... support BC's adoption of Oregon.

There. We said it.

BC will take care of Oregon. They have similar values. They will be happy together. They will discuss sustainability and drink locally roasted coffee and hike in technical gear that costs more than some people's cars.

We will be here. In Washington. Between BC-Oregon to the north and south. An American island in a Canadian archipelago.

This is fine.

Everything is fine.

Sincerely,

State of Washington "The Evergreen State" We're not bitter Why would we be bitter We have Amazon

P.S. If this adoption doesn't work out, Oregon knows where to find us.

P.P.S. The same goes for BC.

P.P.S. Forget we said that.

CHARACTER REFERENCE #3: Cascadia Now! (Bioregional Advocacy Organization)

CASCADIA NOW! Bioregional Advocacy & Education Seattle | Portland | Vancouver

CHARACTER REFERENCE Re: Province of British Columbia — Application to Adopt State of Oregon

To the Court:

Cascadia Now! has advocated for bioregional cooperation in the Pacific Northwest for over a decade. We have promoted the Cascadia flag, organized cross-border events, and persistently argued that the political boundaries dividing BC, Washington, and Oregon are arbitrary lines that ignore ecological, cultural, and economic reality.

We have been waiting for this moment.

When we founded this organization, we envisioned a unified Cascadia — a bioregion governed by watershed logic, connected by shared values, freed from the artificial constraints of nation-states.

We did not anticipate that this would happen through Canadian provincial adoption law.

But we'll take it.

On British Columbia:

BC is the heart of northern Cascadia. The Fraser River watershed, the Salish Sea, the coastal rainforests — these ecosystems flow into and from BC. The province has shown leadership on environmental issues, Indigenous reconciliation, and sustainable development.

BC is not perfect. But BC understands, at a fundamental level, that political boundaries should serve ecological and human communities, not the other way around.

On Oregon:

Oregon is the heart of southern Cascadia. The Columbia River watershed, the Willamette Valley, the Cascade Range — these connect seamlessly with BC's ecosystems. Oregon has pioneered environmental policy in the United States, from the bottle bill to urban growth boundaries.

Oregon also understands that boundaries are arbitrary.

On This Adoption:

This is not exactly what we envisioned.

We imagined a unified Cascadia — BC, Washington, AND Oregon — operating as a cohesive bioregion. Three jurisdictions, one ecosystem, shared governance.

This adoption gives us two-thirds of that vision.

[Note: We are aware that Washington has been left out. We are... processing this. Many of our members live in Washington. This is awkward. We are choosing to focus on the positive.]

Our Endorsement:

We enthusiastically endorse BC's adoption of Oregon.

This brings the Cascadia bioregion one step closer to unified governance. The salmon will benefit. The forests will benefit. The communities that depend on both will benefit.

We encourage BC to treat this not as an acquisition but as a reunion — two parts of a whole that were artificially separated by colonial boundaries drawn without understanding of the land.

The Doug flag flies in Portland and Vancouver alike. Let it fly over a unified jurisdiction.

For Cascadia,

Cascadia Now! "The Bioregion is the Nation"

P.S. About Washington... we assume there's a plan? Phase two? Anyone?

THE PACIFIC SALMON Oncorhynchus spp. The Rivers, The Ocean, The Rivers Again

CHARACTER REFERENCE Re: Province of British Columbia — Application to Adopt State of Oregon

To the Beings Who Draw Lines on Maps:

We are the salmon.

We have swum these waters for millions of years. We were here before your borders. We will be here after your borders are forgotten.

We do not recognize your jurisdictions. We recognize watersheds.

Our Testimony:

We are born in cold, clear streams. We swim to the ocean. We roam the Pacific for years. We return to the exact stream of our birth to spawn and die.

This journey takes us through what you call "British Columbia" and "Oregon" and "Washington" and "Alaska" and "California" and the "open ocean."

We do not stop at your border crossings. We do not carry passports. We do not understand why you have made our lives so complicated.

On This Adoption:

You are proposing to unify the governance of British Columbia and Oregon.

This is the first sensible thing you have done in 150 years.

Do you know how difficult it is to be managed by multiple overlapping jurisdictions? The Canadians have one set of fishing regulations. The Americans have another. The states have theirs. The tribes and First Nations have their rights. The international treaties have provisions.

Meanwhile, we are dying.

The dams block our migration. The warm water kills our eggs. The fishing boats take too many of us. The farms pollute our streams. The ocean is changing.

You argue about jurisdiction while we go extinct.

Our Demand:

If you unify BC and Oregon, you must do one thing:

Manage the watersheds, not the politics.

We don't care about your tax harmonization. We don't care about your healthcare integration. We don't care about your craft coffee synergies.

We care about cold water. We care about free-flowing rivers. We care about surviving long enough to spawn.

Our Endorsement:

We cautiously support this adoption.

If it leads to unified watershed management, it will help us.

If it leads to more meetings and reports and committees while our habitat continues to degrade, it will be just another human exercise in futility.

We are watching.

We have been watching for millions of years.

We will outlast you, one way or another.

For the Rivers,

The Pacific Salmon Sockeye, Chinook, Coho, Pink, and Chum Still here. For now.

PATAGONIA Ventura, California "We're in business to save our home planet"

CHARACTER REFERENCE Re: Province of British Columbia — Application to Adopt State of Oregon

To the Court:

Patagonia is an outdoor clothing company founded in 1973. Our customers are concentrated heavily in British Columbia and Oregon. Very heavily. Suspiciously heavily.

We believe we are qualified to comment on this adoption.

Our Observations:

Our sales data shows that BC and Oregon share:

• Disproportionate purchases of technical rain gear
• Strong preference for muted earth tones
• Willingness to pay $400 for a jacket because it's "sustainably made"
• Tendency to wear said jacket to both hiking trails AND fancy restaurants
• Bumper stickers expressing environmental opinions
• Dogs (usually rescue, usually named something like "Juniper" or "Hemlock")

These are our people. In both jurisdictions.

On Cultural Compatibility:

We have conducted informal research (observing customers in our stores). Key findings:

The cultural alignment is undeniable.

Our Corporate Perspective:

This adoption would simplify our regional marketing. Currently, we have "Canada" and "US" divisions. BC and Oregon share more in common with each other than BC shares with Ontario or Oregon shares with Florida.

A unified BC-Oregon jurisdiction would allow us to:

• Consolidate regional operations
• Target the "Pacific Northwest sustainability enthusiast" demographic more effectively
• Possibly open a flagship store somewhere in the middle (Bellingham? Oh wait, that's Washington. Never mind.)

Environmental Alignment:

Both BC and Oregon have:

• Significant protected wilderness areas
• Active environmental movements
• Corporate social responsibility expectations
• Customers who will absolutely boycott us if we do anything questionable

This partnership aligns with our mission.

Our Endorsement:

Patagonia supports BC's adoption of Oregon.

We look forward to selling rain jackets across a unified jurisdiction.

Don't buy this jacket unless you need it. (But if you need it, we have great options.)

Patagonia, Inc. "1% for the Planet" "Also 99% for rain gear"